Verbal violence can cause more damage than physical violence, because it leaves deeper traces on the inside. It also damages self-esteem, makes you insecure and often makes you dependent on your abuser.
There is no need to fall, and yet there is violence: abuse and violence can also be with words or behavior. Verbal violence and insults can also hurt another person and undermine their well-being.
That is why today we focus on verbal violence that you can not tolerate from anyone, especially your partner. It is important that you recognize it and put an end to it.
What is verbal abuse?
When we hear the words ‘violence’ or ‘abuse’, we often relate it to a blow or hit automatically. However, there are other ways to hurt a person without even touching them.
- By words.
- Insults, humiliations and shouting are some of the most common forms of verbal abuse.
- We often do not see verbal and emotional abuse as heavy because it leaves no visible traces on the body. However, it causes permanent damage to the soul, the psyche and self-confidence.
- Verbal violence can be even more painful than physical abuse and has devastating consequences for the person who daily undergoes it.
Some of these consequences are:
- Panic attacks
- Lack of self confidence
It is also possible that this violence causes alienation of family and friends, loss of your social life or lack of personal performance due to a lack of self-confidence.
People who use verbal abuse do not always go for physical violence. It is not necessary. They already have someone on their side that depends on them, insecure and so afraid that they will do what the abuser wants.
At some point the person who is hurt will ‘wake up’ and realize what they have experienced. And they must leave before it is too late.
What forms of verbal abuse are there?
There are actually different ways to attack someone without even touching them. Non-physical violence is more common than many people think, because we often do not know how to identify it.
We could say to ourselves that he was screaming because ‘he was sharp’ or because ‘he had a terrible day at work’ … Then he apologizes, gives us a rose and has forgotten everything.
However, this is in reality a form of abuse. And if you tolerate this aggressive behavior, you just hurt yourself more.
That’s right: because you receive a ‘daily portion’ of hurtful or offensive sentences, your self-esteem is damaged. You are not aware of the toll that you require from you. Unfortunately, it will be very difficult to believe in yourself again after all that you have heard.
We will now discuss the most common forms of verbal violence.
Humiliating words are words that subtly remind us that we are not able to do anything.
Some common phrases are:
- “You do not know anything about money, because you’re a woman.”
- “Just keep on cooking and cleaning.”
- “Make a sandwich for me, that’s why you’re my wife.”
- “You do not do that well.”
- “You are useless.”
And those are just a few examples.
Humiliation can also occur in the form of ridicule. Laughing about the way you dress, something you say, a dream you have is part of this.
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2. Accusation and debt
Everything that is bad at home is your fault if:
- He is tired.
- Had a bad day at work.
- There is not enough money.
- Something breaks down.
- You can not have children.
No matter what it is, even if you did not make the mistake, or if you did something accidentally, he will blame you.
This is very similar to the first of the verbal abuse we mentioned (humiliation), because it always seems like you’re doing something wrong. In this case:
- He breaks the things you love.
- He compares you with his ex-lovers or with his mother.
- He points out your shortcomings and seems to judge every movement.
Usually, verbal abuse comes before physical violence and shows that you are with an aggressive partner who also depends on you.
- “If you leave, I will kill myself.”
- “If you leave, you can forget the children.”
- “When you tell someone, I’ll leave you without money,”
and so on
In this case emotional manipulation ensures that you do not act and you stick to his side, no matter how he treats you. Threats do not always change into something real, but you obey the injured party’s orders because you do not want to risk it.
One of the most humiliating forms of verbal aggression that can exist is a person who treats you as a slave. This can be anywhere, including in the bedroom.
Be careful with the types of orders he gives you and especially the way you listen to them. There is a difference between the person asking you: “Can you please bring me a glass of water” and “Give me a glass of water, that’s what you’re up for.”
5. Block your opinion
Finally, in this case he will not let you know what you think or feel about a subject. Or, if you do, then he rejects your opinion.
Some common phrases to watch out for can be:
- “You do not know what you’re talking about.”
- “Who are you to comment on this?”
- “Since when are you an expert in this area?”
- “Shut up, I did not ask you for your opinion.”
If one of these sentences is familiar to you, seek help and leave the relationship. You deserve better.